Vincenzo the Vulture
Vincenzo the Vulture was ugly and bald
(Now bald isn’t ugly, despite what you’re told:
One can be very handsome, and still bare of pate,
But to be ugly and bald is a terrible fate)—
It might have had summat to do ‘th’wot he ate.
But what really set Vinnie apart from the flock
(Or “gaggle”? or “murder”? “society”? “stock”?)
Was his penchant for pinstripes, high collars, and vogue:
Being dandified made him a bit of a rogue
And he strutted and preened all along the highroad.
Vincenzo the V wore a v-shaped goatee
That he oiled and combed fastidiously
From dawn until dusk, from dusk until dawn
And his volks used to joke “zat he’d glued za sing on”[1]
To his drooped vulture chin: a toupee’ upside wrong.
[1] These vultures speak this way because they are Austrian and speak German (one of the many languages Professor Percival P. Pennywhistle, PhD, invented). You are not Austrian, so there is no excuse for you. The particularly perspicacious among you will protest that “Vincenzo” is Italian, to which the professor responds with a dismissive yawn, and the observation that Austria and Italy, countries he may or may not have founded in the 19th century, share a border, and that many people on both sides of that border import their children’s names, and in some cases they import their children, too.
